1 00:00:06,116 --> 00:00:09,096 Oh, wow. 2 00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:13,403 Look at all these memories. 3 00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:15,373 Ma could never throw anything of mine away. 4 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,200 Darling, get all your crap outta here. 5 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,300 I'm converting the storage room 6 00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:23,433 into a den for your father. 7 00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:26,116 Ma, this is a den by you? 8 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,500 Why don't you just strap him to the wall 9 00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:29,320 and slap an iron mask on his face? 10 00:00:31,383 --> 00:00:33,273 You kids. 11 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,480 We're not into that. 12 00:00:38,366 --> 00:00:40,396 Oh, look! 13 00:00:40,433 --> 00:00:44,153 My old stewardess costume. 14 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:45,403 For Halloween, I went as Karen Black 15 00:00:45,433 --> 00:00:47,303 fromAirport '75. 16 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:49,383 "Oh, my God, the pilot's been sucked out." 17 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,300 Oh, wow, these are cool. 18 00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:59,273 Oh, my old platforms. 19 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,830 [CHUCKLING] Oh. 20 00:01:01,116 --> 00:01:03,276 I used to boogie, oogie, oogie 21 00:01:03,316 --> 00:01:05,176 till I just couldn't boogie no more. 22 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,446 [SIGHS] Oh... 23 00:01:08,483 --> 00:01:10,403 You want? - Sure. 24 00:01:10,433 --> 00:01:12,353 Oh, look. 25 00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:13,483 Your father's first piece. 26 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:17,303 He loved Ringo. 27 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,296 Oh, it takes me back. 28 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,120 Now sing... 29 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,270 "Yeah, yeah, yeah." 30 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:33,123 Ma, look at this. 31 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:36,370 This is my "Win a date with Erik Estrada" entry form. 32 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,420 You were supposed to mail this in 1979. 33 00:01:40,466 --> 00:01:42,216 All right. Give it to me. 34 00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:44,450 I've got a tax form from '81 that's gotta go. 35 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:49,203 Fran, how come all these kids are green? 36 00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:53,223 [GASPS] Oy, my camp picture got moldy. 37 00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:57,250 Oh, please, let this be a fat year. 38 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,273 Oh, what difference does it make? 39 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:02,660 That stupid Judy Silverman always jumped in front of me 40 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,370 every time I went to take a picture. 41 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,830 She was so threatened by me. 42 00:02:07,116 --> 00:02:08,316 Why? Because you were prettier than her? 43 00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:10,170 Well, yeah, that, 44 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,230 and also 'cause I actually threatened her. 45 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:16,370 She always had to be one up on me, you know? 46 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,480 I mean, sometimes she succeeded. 47 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,320 Sometimes an ex-lax and hot cocoa 48 00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:21,250 kept her out of Color War. 49 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,130 Yow. This is scary. 50 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:28,216 Look, it's a naked picture of that guy fromEvening Shade. 51 00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:29,100 Oh! 52 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,163 Oh, gross! 53 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:37,830 Oh, my Burt Reynolds' Cosmo 54 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,416 Darling, that's mine. 55 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,120 No, Ma, you laminated yours. 56 00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:41,830 No, I didn't. 57 00:02:41,116 --> 00:02:41,476 Yes, you did. 58 00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:46,400 Oh, well, I guess that's more than Lonnie got. 59 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,400 [THEME SONG PLAYS] 60 00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:55,103 ♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪ 61 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,403 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 62 00:02:56,433 --> 00:02:58,663 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 63 00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,350 ♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪ 64 00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:01,183 ♪ What was she do? Where was she to go? ♪ 65 00:03:01,216 --> 00:03:04,276 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 66 00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:05,996 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 67 00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:07,170 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 68 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,330 ♪ She was there To sell makeup ♪ 69 00:03:08,366 --> 00:03:10,656 ♪ But the father saw more 70 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,450 She had style, she had flair She was there ♪ 71 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:15,253 ♪ That's how she became The nanny ♪ 72 00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,423 ♪ Who would have guessed ♪ 73 00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:19,120 ♪ That the girl We've described ♪ 74 00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:21,660 ♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪ 75 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,330 ♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪ 76 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,300 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 77 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:24,423 ♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪ 78 00:03:24,450 --> 00:03:26,330 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 79 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:27,420 ♪ She's the lady in red 80 00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:30,220 ♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪ 81 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:33,420 ♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪ 82 00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:34,200 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 83 00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:39,000 Okay, Fran, where do you want these? 84 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:42,300 Oh, my old school books. 85 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,323 Looking for Mr. Goodbar. 86 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:45,400 Valley of the Dolls. 87 00:03:47,316 --> 00:03:48,476 Intro to Chemistry? How'd that get in there? 88 00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:52,483 What exactly are a person's "loins", 89 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:53,350 and how do you get them to quiver? 90 00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:56,423 Give me that. 91 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,470 You know what? Stick this in my closet. 92 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,130 Better yet, put it under my bed. 93 00:04:06,483 --> 00:04:08,303 Oh, Niles, 94 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,503 Look at what I brought home. 95 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:11,480 Doesn't it smell real? [SNIFFS] 96 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,500 [SARCASTICALLY] You mean it's not? 97 00:04:15,266 --> 00:04:16,396 No. 98 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,303 You know what the secret is. 99 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,253 You dust it with Lemon Pledge. 100 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:22,183 Oh. 101 00:04:22,216 --> 00:04:24,416 Why don't you take it and put it in your room? 102 00:04:24,450 --> 00:04:26,660 Cheer it up a little bit. 103 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:26,420 [MUTTERS] Oh, that's really nice. 104 00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,496 Meanwhile, what are you wearing to the Camp Kindervelt reunion? 105 00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:35,270 Oh, I'm not going to that. 106 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,180 I don't need Judy Silverman rubbing her gorgeous, 107 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:42,826 successful, handsome, rich husband in my face. 108 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,476 Maybe she's still single. 109 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,180 Oh, Val, you're confusing her with us. 110 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,370 Judy was already narrowing the groom's side to 30 111 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,120 while we were still bobbin' in the lake, 112 00:04:53,150 --> 00:04:54,330 shouting "Marco, Polo." 113 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,430 So you're not gonna go? 114 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,446 Not unless I can go on the arm 115 00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:04,103 of a drop-dead gorgeous guy. 116 00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:06,173 Oh, tell Giorgio I love his suits, 117 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,370 but I am not posing forGQ. 118 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,320 I'm a businessman, not a bloody model. 119 00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:12,330 Wouldn't hurt if he was loaded, either. 120 00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:15,330 And what would I do with another Lamborghini? 121 00:05:17,266 --> 00:05:20,316 Hey, why don't you ask Mr. Sheffield to take you. 122 00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:23,230 Oh, Val, where do you come up with these ideas? 123 00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:25,126 Why not? It's just a favor. 124 00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:27,096 He's a friend, and you'd do for him. 125 00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:29,233 You know, you're right. 126 00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:32,326 He's always schlepping me to those premieres. 127 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,096 I'm in and out of limos. 128 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,833 I have to remember all those names... 129 00:05:37,116 --> 00:05:38,166 Donald, Marla... 130 00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:41,403 Woody, Mia. 131 00:05:41,433 --> 00:05:42,453 I had to write Soon-Yi's name on my wrist. 132 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:47,323 MAGGIE: Fran, these shoes fit great! 133 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:50,280 Oh, good, honey, I'm glad. 134 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:53,826 Gee, I love those platforms. 135 00:05:53,116 --> 00:05:54,656 I wonder why I stopped wearin' 'em? 136 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,250 [CRASH] 137 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,120 MAGGIE: I'm okay! 138 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:08,100 It's freezing out here. 139 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:09,473 Quit smoking, C.C. and come inside. 140 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,250 Niles, get that hideous thing off the terrace, would you? 141 00:06:27,283 --> 00:06:28,423 Mr. Sheffield wants you to get off the terrace. 142 00:06:35,183 --> 00:06:38,323 Oh, Maxwell, why can't I smoke inside? 143 00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:40,830 C.C., if you want to ruin your own health, 144 00:06:40,116 --> 00:06:41,326 that's your business, 145 00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:42,216 but Niles is allergic. 146 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,350 Ooh. 147 00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:51,466 Hi, Mr. Sheffield. 148 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:52,430 What do you want? 149 00:06:54,316 --> 00:06:56,126 Nothing. 150 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,396 Can't a friend come in 151 00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:59,333 and say hello to another friend? 152 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,173 Hello, friend. 153 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:04,330 You're sitting on John Malkovich. 154 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,660 I don't hear him 155 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,173 Get up. 156 00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:16,426 Now I forgot what I came in here to ask you. 157 00:07:16,466 --> 00:07:18,396 Oh, yeah. 158 00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:21,333 Uh, my camp is having a big reunion this weekend. 159 00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:23,116 What are you doing Friday night? 160 00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:26,000 Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, 161 00:07:26,330 --> 00:07:27,300 [FASTER] Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday. 162 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,403 Oh, meeting of the Tony committee. 163 00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,233 What a shame. 164 00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:33,296 Blast, if it was any other night... 165 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:35,133 Oh, lucky you. It's really Saturday. 166 00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:42,500 A blind man in New Jersey saw that one coming, sir. 167 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,196 Miss Fine, I hate reunions. 168 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,303 I didn't even go to my own at Eaton. 169 00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:50,223 NILES: Oh, yes, you did, sir. Don't you remember? 170 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,420 You were sulking in the corner because 171 00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,370 everyone was kissing Jeremy Irons' ass-- 172 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,250 --pirin, Q-tips,and 173 00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:57,333 Well... 174 00:07:57,366 --> 00:07:58,346 I'm off to the drug store. 175 00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:03,333 Come on, Mr. Sheffield, what do you say? 176 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,330 Goodbye? 177 00:08:05,366 --> 00:08:08,226 Oh, I can't believe this. 178 00:08:08,266 --> 00:08:11,496 After all the favors that I've done for you. 179 00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:14,150 You schlepp me on that yacht, on a Sunday yet. 180 00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:16,303 All the way up to Newport, 181 00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:20,333 just so you and the kids can hang out with Claus. 182 00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:21,420 Meanwhile, I'm upstairs with Sunny. 183 00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,420 The woman doesn't say two words. 184 00:08:30,383 --> 00:08:32,183 [SIGHS] 185 00:08:32,216 --> 00:08:33,146 Can you believe I actually considered 186 00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:35,373 calling my ex-fiancé, Danny, 187 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,660 to see if he'd take me to this reunion? 188 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,320 Oh, how low can I stoop? 189 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:45,160 What are you doin' Saturday night? 190 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:52,330 As cute a couple as we'd make, 191 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:53,180 I have a date with a sure thing. 192 00:08:55,216 --> 00:08:56,296 Just don't leave your wallet on the dresser. 193 00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:01,400 Fran, I hung your psychopathic poster in my room. 194 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,380 That's "psychedelic", honey. 195 00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:08,833 Yeah, Niles, in the old days, 196 00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:09,316 you could hallucinate a date. 197 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,230 Oh, God, Andrew Lloyd Webber's done it again. 198 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,346 Just got the rights to a show I've been after for years. 199 00:09:19,383 --> 00:09:22,303 Just for once, Niles, I'd love to top him. 200 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:23,273 Well, now you know how Miss Fine feels about Judy Silverman. 201 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:27,226 I'm sorry, sir. I know it hurts, but it's my job. 202 00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:33,163 Oh, all right. 203 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,130 I suppose it would be very thrilling for her 204 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,226 to walk in with me. 205 00:09:37,216 --> 00:09:39,656 Your blue suit is back from the cleaners. 206 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,130 Oh, no, Niles, that's much too 207 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:44,326 "Here I am, Mr. Big-Famous-Producer." 208 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,366 I think the, um-- The green tweed. 209 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,480 That's very smart. - Good choice, sir. 210 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,450 There's no time to take it to the cleaners. 211 00:09:50,483 --> 00:09:52,433 You'll have to press it yourself. 212 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,426 Oh, fix the lining in the right sleeve, would you? 213 00:09:54,466 --> 00:09:56,396 Oh, and, uh, mend the buttons. 214 00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:58,233 Just snazz it up a bit. 215 00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:02,096 Did you say the green tweed, sir? 216 00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:03,333 Don't you think it makes you look rather...? 217 00:10:03,466 --> 00:10:04,426 Rather what? 218 00:10:04,466 --> 00:10:05,316 Well, tubby. 219 00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:13,663 Nice try, Niles. I'm wearing the green tweed. Go on, get on it. 220 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,320 [MOCKS BITTERLY] Niles doesn't have anything else to do. 221 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:15,250 He can go upstairs and snazz it up. 222 00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:22,326 How do you keep from twisting your ankle in those things? 223 00:10:22,366 --> 00:10:24,496 Oh, you don't. 224 00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:25,220 That's what bell-bottoms were for, 225 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,160 to hide the swelling. 226 00:10:29,183 --> 00:10:30,403 What's this for? 227 00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:32,253 Oh, that's my disco whistle. 228 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,150 Twirl that chandelier. 229 00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:37,663 [BLOWS WHISTLE] 230 00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:39,330 ♪ I'm looking for some hot stuff, baby ♪ 231 00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:41,156 ♪ This evening ♪ 232 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,270 Whoop whoop. 233 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,830 ♪ Hot stuff, baby, tonight ♪ 234 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:46,326 ♪ I'm looking for Some hot stuff, ba-- ♪ 235 00:10:46,366 --> 00:10:47,426 Oh! [LOUD CRASH] 236 00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:49,156 Fran? 237 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,830 [DOORBELL RINGS] 238 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:54,250 GRACIE AND BRIGHTON: I'll get it. 239 00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,216 Hi. - Hi. 240 00:11:02,366 --> 00:11:03,316 How are you? 241 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,826 I'm looking for a Fran Fine. 242 00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,163 Uh, hi, Ponch. 243 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,130 Ponch?! 244 00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:13,176 Whoa! 245 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,300 [GRUNTS] 246 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,833 Oh, my! 247 00:11:20,266 --> 00:11:22,416 [GIGGLES] 248 00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:24,420 You aremuy bonita. 249 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,000 [BAD ACCENT] Gracias. 250 00:11:29,233 --> 00:11:31,223 Wow. Great smile. 251 00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:32,280 Oh, don't look at it directly. It's like an eclipse. 252 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,323 So are you here to see Mr. Sheffield? 253 00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,200 No, Fran. He's here to see you. 254 00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:40,353 We sent in your old "Win a date with Erik Estrada" 255 00:11:40,383 --> 00:11:42,333 entry form. 256 00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:44,326 My manager thought it'd be a fun thing to do, 257 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,160 you know, for publicity. 258 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,350 Don't you have a big reunion tomorrow night? 259 00:11:47,383 --> 00:11:49,323 Yeah. 260 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,350 Well... 261 00:11:51,383 --> 00:11:54,203 I'm the hombre who's taking you. 262 00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:55,133 Oh, my God. This is-- 263 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:59,500 Amazing. 264 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,160 It's like a dream. How could this be? 265 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,270 We told him how desperate you were. 266 00:12:07,416 --> 00:12:09,126 Oh, thank you! 267 00:12:11,366 --> 00:12:13,496 Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow night. 268 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:14,380 Okay. 269 00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:16,366 Oh, by the way, is it formal? 270 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:20,300 Oh, Erik, whatever you wear will be just fine. 271 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:22,183 You wouldn't happen to have your oldCHiPs 272 00:12:22,216 --> 00:12:24,196 Oh, no, that would be a push. That would be a push. 273 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,183 Adios. 274 00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:28,476 Hasta spumante, 275 00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:35,403 Oh, is hecaliente 276 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,330 Oh, thanks, you guys. 277 00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:40,130 You're wonderful. I love you. 278 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,176 I've gotta go call Val. 279 00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:44,270 [PHONE BEEPS] 280 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,120 Hold onto your hat, Miss Fine. 281 00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:48,250 I've decided I will escort you to your reunion. 282 00:12:48,283 --> 00:12:49,483 Val, sit! 283 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,180 You are not going to believe 284 00:12:51,216 --> 00:12:52,416 who's taking me to the reunion. 285 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:55,400 Judy Silverman will die. 286 00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:56,303 Well, she may be a little impressed. 287 00:12:58,350 --> 00:13:01,130 Well, he's gorgeous, he's foreign, 288 00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:03,166 and he's got a head of hair 289 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,830 that you can lose a hand in. 290 00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:06,396 Well... 291 00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:09,133 I'm going with Erik Estrada! 292 00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,156 Who? 293 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,660 No, Val, this is not like the time 294 00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:15,470 I said I was going out with Jan-Michael Vincent. 295 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:16,370 Bye. 296 00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:20,270 Oh, hi, Mr. Sheffield. 297 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,220 I see you're wearing your green tweed jacket. 298 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,480 Yes. Why? 299 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,350 Oh, just makes you look a little... 300 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,170 tubby. 301 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,330 [HUMMING] 302 00:13:40,366 --> 00:13:43,376 Ooh, Niles, what's the occasion? 303 00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,276 It's for you. 304 00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:48,426 Congratulations on quitting smoking. 305 00:13:48,466 --> 00:13:50,346 Oh, Niles, you know, when you quit smoking, 306 00:13:50,383 --> 00:13:52,203 you have to be careful not to gain weight. 307 00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:53,273 Oh, really? 308 00:13:58,116 --> 00:14:00,826 Last time I quit, I gained 25 pounds. 309 00:14:00,116 --> 00:14:01,216 [DING] 310 00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:02,170 Eclairs are ready. 311 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:09,446 Oh, only six more hours to Erik Estrada. 312 00:14:09,483 --> 00:14:11,333 Mr. Sheffield wants to see you. 313 00:14:11,366 --> 00:14:13,126 Oh, well, that can only mean one thing, 314 00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:14,496 take the back stairs. 315 00:14:15,383 --> 00:14:17,833 Miss Fine. 316 00:14:17,116 --> 00:14:19,346 What, have you got me LoJacked? 317 00:14:25,383 --> 00:14:28,503 We have a problem. 318 00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:29,400 Why do you always go straight to me? 319 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,503 Niles could have done it. 320 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:32,420 Yep, Niles is no angel. 321 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:41,096 Brighton's English teacher faxed this over. 322 00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,373 The assignment was to write from personal experience. 323 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,220 Read it. 324 00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:50,183 "Isabel. How do I describe Isabel? 325 00:14:50,216 --> 00:14:54,176 She was part woman, part little girl"? 326 00:14:54,216 --> 00:14:56,346 "I felt her heaving bosom in my--"Oy. 327 00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:00,470 Well, what are you looking at me for? 328 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,160 The only Isabel I know is Sanford. 329 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,470 And if Brighton is fantasizing about Weezy, 330 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:05,470 this problem's bigger than both of us. 331 00:15:07,483 --> 00:15:08,323 I have to get back to work. 332 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:17,146 See this is rewritten by Monday, would you, Miss Fine? 333 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:20,353 Oh, but I don't feel like doing homework on the weekend. 334 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,330 Yoo-hoo, Miss Babcock. 335 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,296 Tea time. 336 00:15:29,316 --> 00:15:34,146 [CHiPs PLAYING ON TV] 337 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,173 Does this Ponch character do anything on this show 338 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,370 but ride a motorcycle? 339 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,330 Well, there does seem to be a crime wave 340 00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,496 involving big-busted women in halter tops 341 00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:45,660 driving Corvettes. 342 00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:46,370 This is absurd. 343 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,200 There are more close-ups of his rear end 344 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:50,333 than of his partner's face. 345 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,446 That's the way I would've directed it. 346 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:59,173 [CHEWING, TAPPING ] 347 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,830 Stop it, C.C., you've been driving me crazy all week! 348 00:16:01,116 --> 00:16:01,426 Now, smoke! 349 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,400 Maxwell! 350 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:06,403 I am wearing the patch. 351 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,373 If I light a cigarette right now, 352 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,280 my heart will stop. 353 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,660 Oh, I can't even breathe. 354 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,320 I can't believe this. 355 00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:27,430 My hair came out too big. 356 00:16:27,466 --> 00:16:30,216 My dress is too small. 357 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,100 Really? I think it's a little subdued. 358 00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:33,453 No. 359 00:16:33,483 --> 00:16:36,123 I'd go up another inch or two. 360 00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:38,130 [MOTORCYCLE REVS] 361 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,376 Oh, Dad, you should see his Harley. 362 00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:41,366 It's so cool. 363 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,370 It's like the beginning ofThe Wild One. 364 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,160 What are they so excited about? 365 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,280 I rode a motorcycle too. Remember? At Eaton? 366 00:16:48,316 --> 00:16:49,266 I believe that was a moped, sir. 367 00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:53,656 With a grocery basket on the front. 368 00:16:55,183 --> 00:16:56,503 Well, it was bloody good on the curves. 369 00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:00,496 Wow, Fran. 370 00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:01,350 Hi, Erik. 371 00:17:01,383 --> 00:17:02,423 You look great. 372 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,300 [GIGGLES] 373 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:07,663 That dress is almost as tight as myCHiPs 374 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,220 [GIGGLES] 375 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,830 Buenos 376 00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:17,280 I'd like you to meet my mother, 377 00:17:17,316 --> 00:17:18,246 from Frito-Lay. 378 00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:23,150 And this is my boss, 379 00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,233 Maxwell Sheffield, the big, famous producer. 380 00:17:25,266 --> 00:17:26,366 Miss Fine, I'm sure he knows who I am. 381 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,270 No. 382 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,316 What TV shows have you done? 383 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:34,830 Well, none. I produce theater. 384 00:17:34,116 --> 00:17:35,166 So how'd you get the house? 385 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:48,500 You know, mosquitoes aren't so bad. 386 00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:49,320 Taste like chicken. 387 00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:52,300 WOMEN: Hi, Fran! 388 00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:56,233 Attention, all campers, look who I've got. 389 00:17:56,266 --> 00:17:58,466 [SCREAMING AND CLAMORING] 390 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,400 Fran, it's really Erik Estrada. 391 00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,123 I'm dying. 392 00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,160 [CAMERA CLICKS] 393 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,430 You look gorgeous. 394 00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:10,126 Oh, thanks. 395 00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:11,146 Take off the helmet. - No. 396 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:16,833 Fran, you can't wear a helmet all night. 397 00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:18,156 Why? Madonna wears two traffic cones 398 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,160 strapped to her chest. 399 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:21,280 Fran... 400 00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:24,230 Oh, all right. 401 00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:27,470 Did I deflate? 402 00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:29,353 I gotta see. 403 00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:33,373 Oh! 404 00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:35,103 Well, Fran... 405 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,476 seems your friends got a big kick out of this, 406 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,830 but I gotta split. 407 00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:42,266 It was great meeting you, though. 408 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,420 W-wait a minute. Where are you going? 409 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:47,220 Judy Silverman hasn't even shown up yet. 410 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,470 I'm taking my wife and kids toBeauty and the Beast. 411 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,130 Didn't they tell you? 412 00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,346 I never met your wife and kids. 413 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,403 I meant my manager. 414 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:57,203 You know, this was all publicity. 415 00:18:57,233 --> 00:19:01,273 Oh, right. Of course. 416 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:05,220 Uh, well, it was nice meeting you, 417 00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:08,500 and thank you for coming, and enjoy the show. 418 00:19:08,350 --> 00:19:10,660 Bye-bye. 419 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,160 Adios. 420 00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:13,996 I like the blond guy better! 421 00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:16,396 Come on, Val, let's get out of here 422 00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:17,483 before that stupid Judy 423 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,120 Silverman-- 424 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,270 Hi! 425 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,480 Fran! 426 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,000 Judy! 427 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,660 [BOTH GIGGLE] 428 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:31,500 So you here alone? 429 00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:34,660 Me, alone? Yeah, right. 430 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,380 [BOTH LAUGH] 431 00:19:36,416 --> 00:19:38,446 Uh-huh. 432 00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:41,123 Wait right here. You gotta meet my fiancé. 433 00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:43,180 Great! I won't budge. 434 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,826 Let's get the hell out of here. 435 00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:46,196 All right. Don't run off, now. 436 00:19:46,233 --> 00:19:49,163 I wanna meet your guy too. 437 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,450 Oh, Val, here's a 20. Give it to the janitor. 438 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,303 Tell him to run a comb through his hair. 439 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,003 Too late. Here they come. 440 00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:56,370 Oh. 441 00:19:58,500 --> 00:19:59,250 This is Fran. 442 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:00,403 Hi. Hi. 443 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,233 Nice to meet you. 444 00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:04,316 So where's your guy? 445 00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:05,270 My guy? 446 00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:08,353 My guy. 447 00:20:08,383 --> 00:20:10,163 We're talkin' 'bout my guy. 448 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,430 Well, to tell you the truth, Judy-- 449 00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:17,496 Hello, darling. - Huh? 450 00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:19,330 You're 451 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:20,100 Well, I'm not sure that "date" 452 00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:22,333 would be the right word. 453 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:23,200 We've been living together for what? 454 00:20:23,233 --> 00:20:24,503 Over a year now. 455 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,500 [LAUGHS] 456 00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:32,200 Yeah, did you remember to turn the alarm on, honey. 457 00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:34,003 The mansion next to ours was robbed. 458 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:35,100 It was so scary. 459 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,120 Well, this is Blake Glickman, my fiancé. 460 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:43,130 We're very much in love. 461 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,196 Well, pleased to meet you. Maxwell Sheffield. How do you do-- 462 00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:47,103 Maxwell Sheffield? 463 00:20:48,466 --> 00:20:51,096 I was in one of your revivals. 464 00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:55,003 ♪ Seventy-six trombones Led the big parade ♪ 465 00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:57,200 ♪ With a 110 ♪ Coronets close at hand ♪ 466 00:20:58,433 --> 00:20:59,453 That's where I met Kent. 467 00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:04,370 That's the last time I feed your cat 468 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,230 when you're on the road. 469 00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:11,103 Boy, are their kids gonna be good-lookin'. 470 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:18,346 ["TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 471 00:21:18,383 --> 00:21:21,103 Miss Fine, what about a little turn around the dance floor? 472 00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:23,333 Oh, I thought you'd never ask. 473 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:24,420 Fran? 474 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,420 Val, I'll dance with you later. I promise. 475 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,280 Mr. Sheffield, 476 00:21:35,316 --> 00:21:37,996 what are you doing here? 477 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:39,470 Well, just after you left, 478 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,000 Mr. Estrada's publicist called 479 00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:45,370 to confirm dinner reservations for after the show. 480 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,500 So I thought maybe you'd have some room 481 00:21:48,830 --> 00:21:49,300 left on your dance card. 482 00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:51,323 Oh, aren't you a doll. 483 00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:57,130 ♪ ...to change our destiny ♪ 484 00:21:57,166 --> 00:21:57,466 You look lovely tonight. 485 00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:00,156 Even with the hair? 486 00:22:01,183 --> 00:22:02,423 Oh, I like it. ♪ When will they learn ♪ 487 00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:05,100 You can actually see over your head. 488 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:09,153 ♪ That a heart Doesn't draw a line? ♪ 489 00:22:09,183 --> 00:22:10,383 ♪ Nothing matters ... ♪ 490 00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:12,116 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'll never forget 491 00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:14,170 that you did this for me tonight. 492 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,300 Well, I know how much it meant to you. 493 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:24,000 ♪ Two different worlds ♪ 494 00:22:24,330 --> 00:22:26,380 Mr. Sheffield, you are quite a little dancer there. 495 00:22:26,416 --> 00:22:30,196 [GIGGLES] Everyone's staring at us. 496 00:22:30,233 --> 00:22:32,323 What do you say we give them an eyeful, hm? 497 00:22:32,350 --> 00:22:33,250 [GIGGLING] Okay. 498 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,400 ♪ That our Two different worlds ♪ 499 00:22:44,433 --> 00:22:50,323 ♪ Are one ♪ 500 00:22:50,350 --> 00:22:51,250 [FABRIC RIPS] 501 00:23:10,416 --> 00:23:13,156 when they turned my room into a den. 502 00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:14,100 Val, you're still livin' at home. 503 00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:15,383 I know. 504 00:23:15,416 --> 00:23:17,396 You'd think they'd wake me 505 00:23:17,433 --> 00:23:19,223 so I could get off the pool table before they break. 506 00:23:22,283 --> 00:23:23,483 Thank God they installed a wet bar. 507 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:24,330 At least you can shower.